


Pandora Box

by Keitmeg



Series: WinchestLove [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Gen, Hell Flashbacks, Lucifer (Supernatural) in the Cage, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Platonic Kissing, Post-Episode: s13e04 The Big Empty, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Spoilers of Earlier Seasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-02-01 01:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12694425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keitmeg/pseuds/Keitmeg
Summary: Jack accidentally gets a sneak peak on Sam's memories of Hell, Lucifer and Dean, and he has a thing or two to say to the man.





	Pandora Box

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty upset now, thus this one-shot. I know a lot of you will argue this, but put in mind that I'm hella pissed so I wanted Sam to suffer. Author regrets nothing.

 

 

A nephilim is a very powerful entity.  _ The  _ son of capital s Satan is not only powerful, he holds reign to powers that go beyond one’s wildest dreams. And this is what Jack can’t comprehend. He can do things no other human or nonhuman can, and he's finding difficulty moving a freaking pencil?

 

Thankfully, after their gig at the shrink’s place, Jack was able to use some of his powers to rescue them, and now he is exploring more.

Sam remembers witnessing his powers grow day by day, unable to stop himself from being fascinated. Then comes the day he’ll see just how scary Jack’s abilities can be.

 

One afternoon, Sam and Jack were inside the latter’s room, watching some show Jack said he was interested in. Dean was in his room, mourning and blaming himself for the death of everyone like it was his fault. Basically, resharpening his martyr complex so the next time Sam came to him to rebuke him for it, he’d have more things to say. Jack then laughed at something the main character did or said, Sam wasn't paying attention and he didn't care, but he was brought out of his monologue. 

Jack then piqued on his silence and frowned. "Are you OK, Sam?"

Sam let out a sigh and smiled thinly, "yeah, yeah" he said, "just, um, something on my mind."

Things, actually. They couldn't seem to stop, and like Cas once said, being troubled was part of who he is.

"You seem troubled?" 

Sam shook his head, his smooth fringes fluttering. "I'm kinda tired though," he groaned, now lifting off the other side of the bed, "I'll leave the laptop here. You go ahead." As he sidestepped the bed to aim the door, Jack's hand came flying to his wrist. Sam felt a little zap and went completely still.

Jack's eyes glowed a beautiful shade of golden.

 

Scenes and images from his very old past resurfaced like a movie projector rewinding, and Sam stared off at the wall behind Jack.

 

He used to come after Dad. Dad was important, but so was Sam to Dean. He grew up cared for and spoiled by his big brother, and despite the words of reproach, deep down, he never wanted Dean to stop caring for him and spoiling him. However, as Sam started to grow up into an adult, his understanding of the nature of his feelings towards Dean began to manifest itself to him. He felt scared. Most of all, he felt like he'd betrayed Dean's care and love. Unlike Dean's, Sam's love was unclean.

Then came the bit about the demon blood surging inside him. acknowledgment started to sip in: why he had those unclean thoughts, how tainted he was and how far he'd fallen. Thing is, he couldn't stop himself from desiring his brother. He always wanted to be Dean's number one, he wanted to be the only one Dean trusted and relied on to protect his back. He wanted to be the only one in Dean's world.

He should have known he was aiming too high.

As they ventured on with the hunting life, Dean's priorities began to shift to things and people other than Sam. It was painful, so very painful to watch Dean aim worried glances to someone other than him. It was jealousy, it wasn't a crime. Sam bet other brothers who'd lived in each other's pocket and then started to drift apart felt the same. What was different though was his hidden, buried feelings for Dean. 

Sam knew that, in order to remain by Dean's side, he had to suppress his filthy feelings. Dean deserved better than to be held down by something troublesome and in equal parts catastrophic. So he kept it to himself. When Dean stayed up at some girl's house, Sam waited. When Dean started dating, Sam nodded his approval which he'd always known Dean didn't need. When Dean made a best friend, Sam had to step back and let his brother breathe. 

The way Sam saw it was that Dean never wanted to be the one to follow on Dad's orders, be the little soldier, and he sure as hell never wanted to raise his baby brother who relished any thoughts of rebelling. Which was never Sam's intention, all he wanted was to liberate Dean and himself from the shackles of a life chosen for them.

Then Lucifer happened, and everything crumbled down to pieces. 

Sam has always tried to keep a lid on the darkness inside him hankering for release. He was a freak, and he wasn't good at giving Dean the time if there was something the man wanted to talk about, Sam always forced it out of him. He was and still is tiresome: his thoughts, his feelings and his talks. People died because of him, and he brought Dean nothing but a mess after a mess to clean.

Lucifer, yes. The devil.

The Cage...

Lucifer never asked, he just took what he wanted. He used Sam in ways he never thought possible. He broke him, fixed him only to break him again. For over a hundred years, he saw and heard and smelt nothing but Lucifer. There was no hint of aftershave cream, or whiskey or leather. He was isolated. For over a hundred years.

Popping out again on Dean, the reunion reignited whatever Sam managed to bury and hide from Lucifer. It came back on full force, that's how strong his love for Dean is. 

From then to now, he continued to suppress everything. He became a master at it, and he welcomed Dean shutting him off. Dean wasn't entitled to him, he has his own life and not even Sam can mess up his pace. So while Dean was everything in Sam's world, it didn't mean Sam was Dean's world. It wasn't easy to come in terms with that, it's never easy. But, like he said, a mastered skill.

Eventually, Sam started to fade.

When Cas was around, Sam wasn't always needed. When Mom came back, Sam was back to third place in Dean's priorities. When they were both gone, Sam was crossed out of the list altogether because his presence could never make up for the losses. 

He can never be enough, and Dean would choose death in a second if it meant relief. He wouldn't even care if Sam stayed behind, alone.

 

The flash of images stops suddenly, and Sam falls to his knees. He clutches at his chest and pants, struggling after every breath.

"What the hell was that!" He seethed.

Jack supported him, lifting him up by his upper arms. "I don't know," he simply says, "I could see things from your past."

Sam snapped horrified hazel eyes on Jack's, Adam's apple bobbing inside his throat. "What did you see?"

"Everything." Jack replied.

Sam started to shake his head, wide pupils trembling.

"My father," Jack drawled, "he did those horrible things to you."

Sam's face sagged: his secret was in the open.

Jack scowled at some spot on his lap before he lifted his head, "I'm so sorry."

Sam lowered his head, those smooth fringes shading his cheeks. "Don't be," he says, "it wasn't you."

"Even if." Jack insisted, "Sam, I can't believe you went through all that."

Sam half smiled, "others had it worse."

"There's no worse than feeling not needed." Jack stated, his voice deep and final.

It hit Sam. Jack could sum up everything in just a line. A freaking kid, psychotherapy him -he stops his internal chiding when Jack touches his cheek lightly. He looked up, his entire body feeling the exertion of crouching for too long. He found Jack staring keenly into his eyes, wordless.

"But you are." He suddenly blurted out on a smile.

Sam cocked his head, confused and perplexed.

"Dean needs you," he said, "I don't understand those thoughts of you about your brother, but I don't think they're filthy. I think they're beautiful."

Sam's pupils quivered and watered.

"I know you understand his losses. You also lost people dear to you." Jack stroked Sam's cheek tenderly, and it was something to behold seeing that he is the spawn of the devil. "You are very brave, Sam Winchester. To hold on to those feelings all these years and still smile."

Sam scoffed, but his tears soon spilled down his cheeks.

The sight of the dimpled smile and hazel red-rimmed eyes moved Jack, and before he knows, he was pressing his lips of Sam's. Sam flinched at first, but realizing it was a friendly peck, his tense body relaxed. Jack pulled away and pinned Sam with an amiable smile.

The door to the room soon swung open as Dean sauntered in, Sam's name rolling out of his lips. He froze by the door at the sight of Sam crouching on the floor with Jack cupping his face. He tilted his head and furrowed. All he could see was Sam's back, so he didn't move.

Sam sniveled and quickly wiped his tears, he levered up and faced Dean. "Hey," he said, hoarsely.

Dean pinpointed the fresh trace of tears on Sam's cheeks, and he growled. "What did he do?"

Jack stood up very slowly.

Sam groaned, "he didn't do anything."

"The hell he didn't." Dean glowered at the kid, "what did you do to him, why was he crying?"

"Dean," Sam came between the said man and Jack, "he didn't do anything, trust me, he'd have been on the floor otherwise."

"Are you trying to protect him?" Dean demanded.

"What, no!" Sam breathed out, lips parting into a fond smile. "Come on, man, let's get outta here."

Dean lingered more to glare at Jack, "if I find out you made my brother cry, you're dead."

Sam rolled his eyes, pushing Dean outside the room, "out, come on, De."

Dean gets out, grumbling threats and warnings. Sam glanced over his shoulder, and he locked eyes with Jack who smiled.

"Thank you." Mouthed Sam.

Jack nodded.

 

 

 

 


End file.
